Thursday, December 27, 2007

Rudy Releases 9/11 Campaign Ad

In a surprising move, former NYC Mayor Rudy Guiliani has finally decided to emphasize his stirling leadership in the aftermath of the 9/11 attacks in an effort to capture the Republican nomination for president.

"We know this is an unorthodox strategy," campaign manager Mike DuHaime said. "But if we had listened to conventional wisdom a year ago, Rudy never would have run. We've never bought into conventional wisdom. So we're going to be bold, to show voters Rudy's willing to try new things, to take chances, and to continue to be the brave leader we all saw on September 11."

Predictably, spokesmen associated with the other Republican candidates for president warned that the former NYC Mayor's attempt to use 9/11 to his advantage could backfire.

A spokesperson for former NYC District Attorney Arthur Branch reminded reporters that it was Branch, not Guliani, who actually rescued NYC in the aftermath of the attacks. "District Attorney Branch was remarkably successful in getting many criminals to confess to their crimes without their attorney's being present, or when that failed, getting a remarkable number of criminal defendants to confess on the stand during his tenure" remarked an anonymous campaign aid.

Meanwhile, a spokesperson for former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney retorted that if Guliani was such a 9/11 hero, how come the former NYC Mayor didn't round up all the illegal aliens in his city immediately for questioning and detention in Guantanamo Bay-like prison camps where their lawyers and the media couldn't have access to them. "Mitt Romney would have created a concentration camp for illegal aliens in NYC double the size of Guantanamo", said Romney's chief spokesperson.

Campaign aids for John McCain and Mike Huckabee declined to comment to the surprise news of Guliani's 9/11 stategery; but behind the scenes aids to Arizona Senator are said to be furious with Guliani's about-face on mixing the September 11 attacks and presidential politics. At the same time, friends of the former Arkansas Governor say they're glad Guliani is finally making use of the 9/11 theme. Associates of Huckabee claim that by finally embracing his links to 9/11, the former NYC mayor will likely move past candidates like that Mormon Mitt Romney, McCain, and Branch, setting up their man for a two-way race against the gay-loving, abortion-allowing, multi-divorced, cross-dressing mayor of America's most liberal city.

Knowledgeable and distinguished pundits, such as those from the magazine Politico, believe "America's Mayor" is fully justified in claiming 9/11 as his own. "Mayor Guliani was a great leader on September 11" said Politico reporter Mike Allen. "While President Bill Clinton cowered on Air Force One reading My Pet Goat, Rudy Guliani boldly appeared on TV screens across the nation and gave interviews to us" said Politico.

Whatever one's opinion about 9/11, with the Iowa caucuses just one week away, the new ad by "America's Mayor" will surely add more excitement to the mix.

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