Friday, March 16, 2012


I know that everything right-wingers tell me is 100% accurate, which is why this seems highly illogical:

Before his death, Osama bin Laden boldly commanded his network to organize special cells in Afghanistan and Pakistan to attack the aircraft of President Obama and Gen. David H. Petraeus.

"The reason for concentrating on them," the al-Qaeda leader explained to his top lieutenant, "is that Obama is the head of infidelity and killing him automatically will make [Vice President] Biden take over the presidency. ... Biden is totally unprepared for that post, which will lead the U.S. into a crisis. As for Petraeus, he is the man of the hour ... and killing him would alter the war's path" in Afghanistan.

But Obama is a secret Muslim! Many, many right-wingers have told me so! His dream is to impose sharia law on America!* (*With legal gay marriage, but 100% sharia otherwise.) How could Obama implement this hideous scheme if he was dead? Or is it like the Civil Rights Act -- Biden would be like LBJ and get it enacted while we were grieving for Obama? With the assent of all us atheist-secular-humanist sharia-loving liberals?

And this puzzles me:

The bin Laden who emerges from these communications is a terrorist CEO in an isolated compound, brooding that his organization has ruined its reputation by killing too many Muslims in its jihad against America.

Bin Laden thought it was bad to kill Muslims, yet he wanted to kill Obama -- WHO IS A MUSLIM?!? I'M CONFUSED!

And then there's this:

The al-Qaeda brand had become a problem, bin Laden explained, because Obama administration officials "have largely stopped using the phrase 'the war on terror' in the context of not wanting to provoke Muslims," and instead promoted a war against al-Qaeda. The organization's full name was "Qaeda al-Jihad," bin Laden noted, but in its shorthand version, "this name reduces the feeling of Muslims that we belong to them."

But that was supposed to help the cause of bin Laden! That was part of Obasma's campaign to bow down to people like bin Laden, whom Obama supported even though he killed him -- right? I've been told that many times by right-wingers, so it must be true!


Linkmeister said...

If Procter and Gamble had offered the guy a job as brand manager back in 1990 or thereabouts it would have saved the entire world a helluva lot of trouble.

Ten Bears said...

One hundred percent pure unadulterated bullshit.

Your "liberal" media ginning up a race war.