Wednesday, November 23, 2011


If you have the stamina to sit through an over-twelve-minutes-long CNN clip of an interview with Michele Bachmann, it becomes clear that

A) Michelle Bachmann thinks we’re in the midst of four wars

B) Ms. Bachmann’s definition of a war is a thousand feet over the top of loosey-goosey, and that

C) She implicitly places the blame for all four “wars” on President Obama.

So let’s clear up a few matters.

First of all, the both the Iraq and Afghanistan wars were begun under the administration of a Republican named George W. Bush, gently, umm, prodded by Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld.

Iraq is our biggest, longest, most expensive war ever, and we invaded on a pretext having to do with non-existent “Weapons of Mass Destruction.” That war has sapped the United States of lives and treasure that instead might have gone into our economy, produced jobs, and gone a long way toward keeping us out of the financial mess we’re in now. (Skipping the Bush tax cuts might have helped, too.)

President Obama has taken major steps to get us the hell out of there, but to quote former secretary of state Colin Powell, who may have been quoting others, the pottery barn rule applies: “You break it, you buy it.” Or to unforgivably scramble metaphors here (Sorry, but I can’t resist), Bush stepped in it and Obama is in the process of scraping it off the bottom of America’s shoe.

So please, Michele Bachmann, stop ragging on Obama for Iraq.

Afghanistan is no slouch when it comes to loss of treasure and lives either. Here, too, it was Bush who first stepped in it, although in this case I would agree he had justification stemming from 9/11. Nevertheless, we’ve been there for ten years and President Obama has been in the White House for not even a full four years. So Michelle, do the math. Oh nevermind, I'll do it for you: ten minus four equals George Bush.

Libya? First of all Michele, read the newspapers. Mummar Gaddaffi is dead. The war is over. Gadaffi’s son, Saif al-Islam, is is captured and facing the death penalty. During the insurrection we never had a single American boot on the ground nor did we lose a single American life.

Neverthess, in a matter of weeks, the dictator who brought down PanAm Flight 103 over Lockerbie, Scotland, got brought down himself. I’d count our support of the Libyan revolution, – support which is to war as distance learning by computer is to attending classes at Harvard University – a feather in President Obama’s cap. A Gadaffi Duck feather, but a feather all the same.

Now we’ve sent four – count ‘em on your fingers, four! – military people over to assist in the rebuilding of the U.S. embassy in Libya. I give you this information straight from the Obama-hating bowels of Fox News:

Two of the military personnel are explosive-ordnance experts who will be used to disable any explosives traps left in the embassy. The other two are "general security," according to Kirby.

Uganda? Yes, we have troops in Uganda. A whole humongous one hundred special forces on a joint mission to capture the brutal dictator and “prophet” who was head of “The Lord’s Resistance Army,” which has been brutally killing and maiming civilians for a quarter of a century.

One hundred troops is hardly a war. It’s fewer armed soldiers than you’ll find similarly-armed cops standing on a street corner at any Occupy Wall Street rally in New York. I mean by your own standards, Michele, you ought to be roundly condemning all the police departments from Davis, California to New York City who are harassing the Occupy Wall Street demonstrators by engaging in "war' with them.

And come to think of it, why is Ms. Bachmann is so infuriated by the Special Forces in Uganda when they’re hunting down a man who is stealing thunder from her own brand? I mean, is he or is he not crowding Michele's turf when he declares that he is a close personal pal of God?


c u n d gulag said...

The most simple explanation is that as far as foreign adventures, Ms. Bachmann, they were wars for about a week!

But they've been over for awhile - a decade for one, and almost one for the other - they're not wars, you ignorant psycho, and haven't been for a long, long, fucking time - THEY'VE BEEN FUCKING OCCUPATIONS!

I know Conservatives love them their MILF's.

But, between MooseMILF and the Minnesota TimberMILF, they can probably find thousands of arbitrary MILF's from trailer parks in each of the 50 states who can beat them in an IQ contest by at least 50 points - and those are the ones you find sitting around with no teeth, drunk, high on meth, and chewing on their children's boogers for a mid-day snack.

These two dim bulbs couldn't light up the inside of a small Jack-o-lantern.

gocart mozart said...

You're forgetting the War on Christmas! So that's five.