Monday, January 05, 2009


Republicans can't win elections, can't keep the economy from running off a cliff, and can't deal with any international situation without making it immeasurably worse ... but they should make a comeback because they know what really matters: whose gun cabinet is bigger.

Six candidates who want to be chairman of the Republican National Committee engaged in gun-upsmanship with one another this afternoon at a debate in Washington, when moderator Grover Norquist queried the group: "How many guns do you own?"

Incumbent RNC Chairman Mike Duncan of Kentucky 'fessed up to owning four handguns and two rifles.... South Carolina GOP Chairman Katon Dawson said his stash of guns were "too many to count."

Former Ohio Secretary of State Ken Blackwell boasted: "Seven, and I'm good."

Michigan GOP Chairman Saul Anuzis said he owns two guns, "but they wouldn't let me carry them in Washington, D.C."

Former Tennessee GOP Chairman Chip Saltsman ended the round with a good-natured salvo at Blackwell.

"In my closet at home, I've got two 12-gauges, a 20-gauge, three handguns and a .30-06. And I'll take you on anytime, Ken."

The party will choose its new chairman later this month in a Washington convention.

And I'm sure the selection process will stay at this high level.

Oh, I left out one candidate's response:

Former Maryland Lt. Gov. Michael Steele said he didn't own any.

Bzzzt! Sorry, Michael -- we suddenly realize we don't care about your ideas for expanding minority outreach or investing in new technologies, because your answer leaves us kind of ... um ... limp.

Oh, wait:

The lightning round begins: Who is everyone’s favorite Republican president? Reagan. Reagan. Reagan. Reagan. Reagan. And finally, from Ken Blackwell: "Ronald Reagan, who brought me into the Republican party."

"Good," says Norquist. "Everyone got that one right."

Phew! We feel male again.

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