PRESIDENT McDREAMY

Hard-hitting analysis from The Note, brought to you by that "liberal media" outfit ABC News:

Note that this is NOT a parody. This is a real memo.

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TO: President Bush
FROM: The Note
DATE: 5/18/2006
RE: A present so bright, we suggest shades

Karen Hughes hates when we give advice, so please consider this analysis.

As you fly down to the Arizona border this morning, you should ignore the polls. Your approval rating might be closer to ours than to Governor Lynch's, but the key to your mojo comeback, as Josh keeps telling you, is confidence.

You have never lacked for that, of course, but today is a particularly good one to remember the 1999-2004 glory years and recall just how much you can accomplish in this environment.

Everywhere you look, starting with your own schedule, it seems like yesteryear:

— You have a compassionate-conservative photo up, where you can dress in rugged/sexy garb and act simultaneously tough and caring. Maybe throw a little espanol into your remarks too.

— David Brooks is writing on the op-ed page of the New York Times about real-world compassionate conservatism, showing he knows almost as much about the Republican Party as he does about the Democrats. LINK

— House Republicans are doing your bidding by muscling through tough votes on the budget. LINK


— The press is filled with stories showing you signing tax cuts into law. LINK

— David Sanger is taking leaks about shifts in your North Korea policy, and loving it. LINK

— Bob Novak is explaining why the Republican Party is imploding, and loving it. LINK

— You have a confirmation "battle" that the press is building up into a real fight, when your nominee is assured final approval.

— "American Idol" is getting more "news" coverage than the war in Iraq.

If none of that cheers you up, Mr. President, try these (by popular demand): LINK, LINK, LINK

Make sure you know which line in your remarks are supposed to be the soundbite that makes the network evening news broadcasts.

And make sure you don't flub that line. (Sorry if that warning psyches you out.)

Good luck, sir.

Judging from this and the item Atrios highlighted a couple of weeks ago, ABC News should change the name of this feature to "The Mash Note."

I wonder if Halperin sent a handwritten rough draft of this to the White House, making sure to dot all the i's with little hearts.