Tuesday, October 01, 2013

Medicare For All — or how Democrats can throw their own monkey wrenches into the works if Republicans ever come back into power

In the highly unlikely event that you need reminding, “Obamacare,” or the Federal Affordable Healthcare Act if you prefer, was originally a Republican idea, sprung on the world by the likes of Mitt Romney. Its purpose was to provide close to universal healthcare coverage while saving the butts of Romney’s pals at the insurance companies.

Medicare For All, otherwise known as single payer healthcare, would make the United States government the one and only healthcare insurance company. It works great for us old-timers who are of Medicare age. It would work even better for everybody under the age of 65, because it would cover so many young and healthy people who are less of a drain on our healthcare system, that costs would come down even further.

Alas, now is not the time for it. But if the Republicans by some freak accident ever simultaneously control the House, the Senate and the Presidency again in the next half century, here’s what the Democrats ought to do.

First things first: stand up in the Senate and read “The Cat In The Hat,” a Dr. Seuss poem about how “somebody else” wrecks everything, and then talk nonobjectively about nonobjective art and the price of pewter in Pittsburgh, meanwhile letting preferential subsidies run out for major government contractors abnd rich land owners and industrialists.

Second, demand a 99 percent marginal tax bracket for anyone earning over $10,000,000 a year.

Third, stand up in Congress and read “The Sneetches,” a Dr. Seuss poem about a group of critters who have stars on their yellow bellies and therefore think they’re entitled to stuff nobody else has.

Fourth, demand that anyone who has ever registered Republican be forced to surrender his or her firearm, on the grounds that being Republican is a prima facie indicator of insanity.

Fifth, stand up in Congress and read the Dr. Seuss poem about the north going Zax and the south going Zax, who meet  on the Prairie of Prax “nose to nose, face to face,” and refuse to budge for each other.

Sixth, demand that Ted Cruz, John Boehner, Eric Cantor…well the list goes on, but it includes every Tea Party Republican and current corrupt shill for collapsing the government and the economy, John Boehner included. Demand all Tea Party-ites turn themselves into the FBI as the Al Qeada agents they most probably are, and confess to conspiring to destroy the United States for ideological reasons.

Seventh, stand up in Congress and read the Dr. Seuss poem about the “pair of pale green pants with nobody inside them,” another perfect metaphor for John Boehner and other “heads” of the Banana Republicans.

Eighth, institute an excess wealth tax on individuals with assets over $20,000,000. If you have $19,999,999, that’s enough to live very, very comfortably. You don’t need another dollar. Add to that an inheritance tax of 100 percent on all estates larger than $10,000,000.

When the Banana Republicans begin to scream and bleat, declare that you’re willing to negotiate nearly all these issues if they simply give you the Excess Wealth Tax, but that they refuse.

In the end, nothing tastes as bitter as your own medicine.

Cross-Posted At The New York Crank


aimai said...

Sounds good. Where can I sign up.

Victor said...

The problem with this scenario, is Republicans being in charge.

The moment they gain power again, they'll go all NC on our asses, only with real Detention Centers for Liberals and Progressives, and no one darker than Johnny and Edgar Winter will have the ability to vote, without prior approval.

GeoX, who is here to stay, like it or not. said...

But in the story about the pants, they turn out to be friendly, and at the end the protagonist is pals with them. That...does not seem the right message (or a minimally sane message, even) to be sending to wingnuts.

The New York Crank said...

Regular GeoX,

It's okay to be friends with the pale green pants because there's nobody inside them.

Kind of like some Republicans,dontcha think? Sarah Palin anybody?

Very crankily yours,
The New York Crank

Matt said...

Finally! A political platform I can support!

Gingerbaker said...

Medicare is a program administered by the Executive branch of government. Who Medicare provides services to is part of its administrative policy. The President of the United States directs the policies of Executive branch institutions.

Please tell me why the President can not sign a directive changing the age eligibility of Medicare recipients , which currently is 65, to whatever he damn well pleases. Let the Republicans chew on that while he is in office, while the whole country sees just how competitive a single-payer system can be.