GLENN BECK DESCRIBES HIS MOST DELICIOUS FANTASY

Don't worry, cube dwellers, it's suitable for work (if possibly not for sensitive stomachs), because his most delicious fantasy doesn't involve sex -- it involves being made a martyr by us:



Excerpt from the transcript at Beck's site:

I am willing to go into the night broke for what I believe in. I am willing to lose everything. I am willing, I am willing to be alone. It doesn't bother me.... Shoot me in the head. I'm not going to violate what I believe is right.

He says "willing." What he means is "desperate." Oh, not really -- he doesn't actually want this to happen. But he really, really likes thinking of himself as someone who's ready to be killed or ruined, who's important enough to be killed or ruined, by God or a terrestrial enemy.

More:

It's only a matter of time before they find a way to destroy me. And that's fine. And they are going to try to use me to intimidate you because anybody else gets out of line, that will happen to you, too. Don't think that what happened to Sarah Palin didn't go through my mine when I saw my character on Saturday Night Live and we all laughed and my wife said, my gosh, they have you down. I mean, that is really, I mean, even your mannerisms and your moves. Don't think that I didn't feel like, oh, my gosh, they're going to "Sarah Palin" me. That's what they want you to understand. You get out of line, we'll destroy you. Bring it on, jack.

By the way, do you know what set off all this luxuriating in self-pity, according to the transcript? It was Bill Maher saying this:

MAHER: I'm telling you it is not that long before we're going to find Glenn Beck dressed as a woman or playing with his feces. He is extremely unhinged and it's going to happen on air.

Glenn, you schmuck, he's not talking about us destroying you, he's talking about you losing it completely, all by yourself. Ah, but never mind: the thought of being destroyed by your enemies is much more exquisitely pleasurable.

And as someone who went through some nasty bouts of depression myself, I've got to say I sure hope no poor bastard in the Bible Belt hears this part of Beck's rant (an allusion to his history of substance abuse) and takes it seriously:

I will tell you that in my past I've done bad things. I've already I mean, read my books. Hello. Very clear. I was a bad dude. You don't roll up in a ball, you know, in a fetal position on the floor thinking about putting a gun in your mouth if you're a good guy!

Nice, Glenn -- tell depressives that their depression is their fault. (Plenty of people get into precisely that frame of mind with or without mind-altering substances; it's an illness, for crissakes, not a moral failing.) Hey, Glenn, it's not enough that you're putting every federal employee in America at risk of assassination with your rhetoric? You've got to tell uninformed people with severe mood disorders that they're evil? You're afraid that when this sorry moment in American history is over you won't have enough blood on your hands?