Monday, October 28, 2013


You my already know that The Wall Street Journal published an online column by actress and self-help author Suzanne Somers entitled "The Affordable Care Act Is a Socialist Ponzi Scheme." This is part of a recurring feature on the Journal site titled, unironically, "The Experts"; Somers assures us that she knows whereof she speaks because she is "a writer of 24 books mostly on health and wellness" and because she has managed to write these books by "using my celebrity to get to the best and brightest doctors, scientists and medical professionals in the alternative and integrative health-care world." Wow, I'm convinced! That's pretty much exactly like going to medical school!

And what does Ms. Somers's vast store of medical knowledge lead her to do in her own life?
Suzanne Somers showed "Oprah" viewers her intricate daily routine on Thursday's show, the topic of which was hormone replacement....

Somers invited cameras into her home to show her daily routine.... First she rubs hormone lotion on the inside of her upper arm, always estrogen and two weeks a month progesterone. She then injects estriol vaginally, which she did not let cameras see.

Then there are her [dietary supplement] pills, all 60 of them. 40 in the morning with a smoothie and the rest at night. She admits the pill quantity is extreme, saying, "I know I look like some kind of fanatic."
That was revealed in 2009 on Oprah Winfrey's show; Oprah said Somers had been following this routine "for over ten years." We are meant not to ask whether this use of hormones at high levels had anything to do with the fact that Somers had breast cancer in 2001, not to mention the "full-body cancer" she says she was diagnosed with several years later.

Somers claims to have overcome that cancer ("You have a mass on your lungs. It looks like the cancers has metastasized into your liver. You have so many tumors in your chest we can't count them. They all have masses in them") without chemotherapy, which she opposes on principle and which she thinks killed Parick Swayze (rather than his cancer).

Oh, and she thinks Adam Lanza went on a shooting spree in Newtown because of a poor diet and exposure to household toxins.

So, yeah, she's an "expert." I guess next the Journal will give us Jenny McCarthy talking about the Centers for Disease Control.


Kevin Hayden said...

John Ritter was like Bogart to Somers' level of thespianism. And Don Knotts regularly upstaged her, though he had far smaller tits.

Victor said...

And I could write about what my friend used to say was my cure for the common cough:
Vic's Formula 44 - 43 Beers... And a cough drop.

Worked like a charm, too.
When you woke up 2 days later, the cold was gone!

Andy Norris said...

"Alternative" cancer treatment was a big part of what killed Steve Jobs (by allowing his prognosis to deteriorate considerably before seeking conventional treatment).. Hey, maybe with a little help from Dr. Suzanne Somers, it can kill even more people.

Aunt Snow said...

The whole "op-ed" reads like a forwarded email you'd get from your crazy uncle.

Who's the editor at the WSJ these days, did they get one from Weekly World News? Somers uses the phrase "affordable health care" (lower case hers) where I think she means to refer to the Affordable Care Act, so her poorly written diatribe reads as if she opposed to the very concept of having affordable health care - kind of like being opposed to having affordable shoes or cars or movie tickets.

The whole thing reads like it was penned by Sarah Palin's ghostwriter....hey, wait, you don't suppose maybe it was?

marindenver said...

Pancreatic cancer killed Patrick Swayze just as it does 95% of people who are unlucky enough to get it.

I decided to wade over to the WSJ and look at her "opinion" piece. The whole thing is a complete train wreck. The WSJ has deteriorated so much in its editorial pages it's now officially in World Nut Daily territory.

The New York Crank said...

"The WSJ has deteriorated so much in its editorial pages it's now officially in World Nut Daily territory."

Oh, cool! I now finally have a reason to subscribe to the WSJ. It's an alternative to The Onion.

As for poor diet being the reason for Adam Lanza's shooting spree, haven't I heard something like this before? Can you spell "Twinkie Defense?"

Very crankily yours,
The New York Crank

Ten Bears said...

That is not the kind of white-bitch guys like me look for. Where to start, where to start... fake boobs, fake ass, fake hair, fake teeth, and a brain the size of that insect that's buzzing about the room. I don't know what you white folks find attractive about that, but don't worry, no Big (American) Indian (or African American) Stud is interested so go on ahead and pull on your little peckers.

In under six hundred words she hit two false quotes and a blatant plagiarism (and that's just the ones I found in the fourteen seconds it took me to read it). That, is pretty damn good. Maybe even a record.

No fear.

Roger said...

Come on knock down our door
You jackbooted Obamacare thugs
Where the profits are Aetna's, Humana's and Kaiser's
That's socialist, too