Hold it, fellas -- that unfairness and imbalance don’t move me! Let’s get real, real fair and balanced for a change....

Fair and balanced? Gosh, yes, fair and balanced! How fair and balanced? Why, so fair and balanced you could just plotz! Heavens -- that’s certainly fair and balanced, isn’t it? Why, it certainly is -- profoundly fair and balanced! Incontrovertibly fair and balanced! Mind-roastingly fair and balanced! By all accounts unprecedentedly fair and balanced! Well, you know what they say: Fair and balanced is as fair and balanced does. When the going gets fair and balanced, the fair and balanced get going. And, me, well -- I believe the fair and balanced children are our future. So half a fair and balanced league, half a fair and balanced league, half a fair and balanced league onward! Into the fair and balanced valley of death rode the fair and balanced six hundred! How do I love thee? Let me count the fair and balanced ways. Ah, look at all the lonely fair and balanced people. Because 911 is a fair and balanced joke in your town.

So are you ready, Rupert? Start suing.