A BRIEF HISTORY OF REPUBLICAN CONCERNS ABOUT CARIBOU SEX
Representative Louie Gohmert of Texas, February 2012:
Rep. Louie Gohmert, patron saint of amorous wildlife? The Texas Republican, who's not exactly known as a champion of animal rights, said his primary concern in the development of a massive Alaskan oil pipeline is the love life of the caribous surrounding the project. [...]
Here's his theory: The caribou very much enjoy the warmth the pipeline radiates. "So when they want to go on a date, they invite each other to head over to the pipeline," he informed his colleagues. It’s apparently the equivalent of being wined and dined. And that has resulted in a tenfold caribou population boom, he concluded.
“So my real concern now ...if oil stops running through the pipeline...do we need a study to see how adversely the caribou would be affected if that warm oil ever quit flowing?” he asked.
Vice President George H.W. Bush, talking about the original Trans Alaska Pipeline, on the presidential campaign trail in May 1988:
Bush says that petroleum exploration and production in Alaska have improved wildlife habitat. "Caribou like the pipeline," he has said. "They lean up against it, have a lot of babies, scratch on it. There's more damn caribou than you can shake a stick at."
Great minds think alike.
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(Gohmert via Daily Kos. And yes, I know: a lot of you read the story days ago.)
6 comments:
"So when they want to go on a date, they invite each other to head over to the pipeline," he informed his colleagues.
Is he talking about caribou, or the CPAC dating scene?
Please. Do we have to revisit Sarah Palin's sex life again?
I think Congressman Gohmert knows from animal husbandry.
Lord knows he's fucked every animal on his families farm in every available orifice, three times over.
And he probably imagines caribou as some exotic lover - like making it with a black or oriental woman in his feeble little mind.
It just the deer you find dead on the road and decide to give a goodbye fuck to, Congressman - only bigger.
Now just a doggone minute there! GW is dumb as a stump, but I think it's a terrible insult to put him in the same pen as Louie. All Louie needs is a big floppy bow on his head and a muumuu to wear, and he'd be Zippy's meaner and less coherent younger brother. GW is dumb by choice; he just can't be bothered to think (thinking is hard). Louie is clearly just dumb by nature. He's doing what he can with what he's got, and the fact that his 2-stroke pushmower brain can hang in there with some of the big Briggs-and-Stratton lawn tractors up on Capitol Hill is grounds for some sort of admiration. GW, now, appears to have an air-cooled 4-cylinder VW plant up top, although since he never bothered to change the oil, I suspect at least one of the cylinders has cracked.
Well, this is Poppy Bush, who actually wasn't as stupid as his son and namesake. But still....
Wingnut science at its best!
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