EVEN I HAVE MORE OF A LIFE THAN THIS GUY

Can't somebody find Alan Keyes a simple, harmless hobby? As far as I know, this (from alankeyes.com) is not a joke:

Iowa GOP refuses to report Keyes votes

DES MOINES, Iowa -- The Iowa Republican Party has neither counted nor reported the number of votes for Alan Keyes in the GOP caucuses held Jan. 3.

"We didn't have the electronic means to record the tallies for Keyes, so we can't yet report to the public how many votes Keyes got," said John Lund at the Iowa GOP headquarters in Des Moines. "We can't report the Keyes votes until we've double-checked each individual paper ballot."

Meanwhile, the Iowa GOP widely reported the vote tallies of all other candidates, including Tom Tancredo, who got 5 votes despite having quit the race.

"I personally traveled with Alan Keyes across Iowa, and we met scores of Keyes voters. It's totally unfair these citizens' votes are now being withheld from the public," said Chaplain Gordon James Klingenschmitt. "This is tantamount to election fraud."

"I voted for Alan Keyes," said Siena Hoefling of Calhoun County. "It's ridiculous they didn't report my vote. Each precinct could have easily called or emailed the vote tallies to headquarters, so they should have been counted by now."

..."This resembles a 'communist-style' approach to electoral politics," said Stephen Stone, chairman of Alan Keyes for President. "In the former Soviet Union, political officials limited voters' choices in a way that created merely the illusion of democracy, without the reality. Any undue interference with free and open elections, of the sort we think we just witnessed, is un-American." ...

No one has counted the "scores" of Alan Keyes votes! (Yet.) It's a national scandal! Clearly we live in a Stalinist dictatorship!

Scrapbooking, Alan. I hear scrapbooking is very relaxing. Chess. Bowling. Anything. C'mon, Alan -- you need something new to occupy your time.