What a splendid idea -- a gay-hostile mutual fund:

The Ave Maria Funds ... screen[...] out companies that offer non-marital partner benefits, regardless of whether they are same- or opposite-sex partners.

"Our Catholic Advisory Board believes that marriage between a man and a woman is a sacrament instituted by God, therefore when a company offers to put a non-marital union on par with marriage, it's a slap in the face to the Catholic Church and such companies should be screened out," said Mr. Schwartz.

...The funds' other three screens include abortion, pornography, and contributors to Planned Parenthood.

"The Catholic Advisory Board feels that Planned Parenthood is an evil organization that promotes and finances the murder of unborn children," said Mr. Schwartz.

...The top three holdings of the Catholic Values Fund are Automatic Data Processing (ADP), Genuine Parts (GPC), and Ross Stores (ROST). The top three holdings in the Ave Maria Growth Fund, Eli Lily (LLY), Patterson Dental (PDCO), and Factset Research Systems (FDS), will probably shift by the beginning of next year. Eli Lily, whose 11 main competitors offer non-marital partner benefits, recently announced it would do so as well as of January 1, 2004.

"If they do in fact implement the policy, we're going to have to sell the stock on January 2," said Mr. Schwartz....

Ave Maria advisors include Phyllis Schlafly, former baseball commissioner Bowie Kuhn, and the former head of Domino's Pizza, Tom Monaghan.

(Thanks again to Nathan Newman.)