Wednesday, October 29, 2003

Sadly, No! has found the text of Paul Bremer's televised Ramadan address to the Iraqi people. Here's an excerpt. Warning: this is not a joke. must not lose hope.  Especially during Ramadan you must not lose hope.
You must not lose hope because you have seen the evil one go.
You, the Iraqi people, whom the evil one was bound to protect, he instead tortured, he instead murdered. 
You, the Iraqi people, whom the evil one was bound to feed, he instead starved. 
You, the Iraqi people whom the evil one was bound to lead in peace, he instead led into foolish wars, wars which poured your blood into the sand. 
When the people of the world asked the evil one to stop he sneered. 
When the people of the world demanded that the evil one stop, he threatened them and fought them.
And when the evil one fought them, he fought them in your name, with your money and your blood and the blood of your fathers, your mothers and your children. 
But when the enemies the tyrant drew close, he took your money and he fled your justice like a common thief and coward....

Er, this reads like something concocted by a man locked in a windowless room for three days with a large supply of hallucinogens and either a King James Bible or an extensive collection of Star Wars fan fiction. (Or perhaps a Bremer underling drafted it after a White House staffer angrily phoned to veto an earlier draft: "NO! You have to say 'evil'! POTUS wants the word 'evil' in there! You have to put in more 'evil's!")

And no, this is not a hoax -- I gave you the direct link, but you can get to the transcript by clicking on the central link the official site of the Coalition Provisional Authority.

Oh, and by the way, it was first broadcast last Friday. Can we all agree that it ain't working?

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