Monday, December 28, 2015

It’s time to start thinking ahead to the 2020 Republican nominee for President. My favorite crazier-than-Trump candidate of the future is Sylvia Allen.

Arizona state senator Sylvia Allen: "The vapor
trail are coming! The vapor trails are coming!"

Look, either The Donald will or will not be the 2016 Republican presidential nominee. At this stage, who can know? Who could even have suspected, only a few months ago, that Trump would be the leading contender? Or that Ben Carson would lose his footing as a leading contender by getting the story of the Biblical seven years of plenty confused with King Tut’s sarcophagus? Or that he would ever be a leading contender in the first place?

The rule of Republican politics seems to be, the more insane, the more ridiculous, the more outrageous, the more bombastic, the more insane, the more twisted, the more confused, the more ignorant of the U.S. Constitution and our nation’s history a candidate sounds, the greater the likelihood that he or she will enchant Republican voters.

With that in mind, I herewith nominate Sylvia Allen as a serious candidate for the Republican nomination for president in 2020.

Sylvia who?

So glad you asked!

Sylvia Allen is a Republican from Snowflake, Arizona. 

Snowflake? It’s up Route 77 from Show Low. You say that's no help? Well, it’s kind of west of Concho. Still no help? Try a long drive southeast of Flagstaff or a helluva long hike from Mesa.

But I digress.

Earlier in her still-young political career, Sylvia was county supervisor in Navajo County, which is located…oh, never mind the geography. At any rate, she came to some prominence in her supervisor’s job when she tried to interfere with an investigation into her son in law, who seems to have done something, um, worthy of of investigation, concerning female inmates in the jail where he’s a detention officer.

So the county sheriff warned that he’d arrest Sylvia if she kept on messing with an official investigation. Whereupon she filed a state senate bill that gave detention officers like her son in law greater protection from disciplinary investigations.

No no, don’t get all excited about her candidacy yet. Because her CV gets lots better.
  • In 2009, during a committee hearing concerning a uranium mine she shared her impressive  geological knowledge by declaring the world is 6,000 years old
  •  This year, she declared that people should be required by law to go to church. The “establishment of religion clause, of the Bill of Rights, of the United States Constitution? Must be some kind of Moos-lim plot. She made her declaration during a debate on whether to let people carry concealed weapons in public buildings. (That's always a good idea since you can shoot the opposition on the spot instead of wasting time debating them.) Allen, who said she didn’t understand the opposition to this idea, decried a “moral breakdown.”
  • With all her geological and moral knowledge, it’s only natural that somebody like Sylvia Allen should be telling professional educators what that may and may not teach. So naturally, the President of the Arizona Senate appointed her chair of the Senate Education Committee.
But here’s the pièce de résistance. Well, why should I paraphrase it when I can lift it directly from Sylvia Facebook page? Here is is, with misspellings (or typos, depending on how charitable you choose to be) preserved intact.
Ok, I do not want to get into a debate about weather. However, I know what I see weekly up here on the flat where I live outside of Snowflake. The planes usely, three or four, fly a grid across the sky and leave long white trails streaming behind them. I have watched the chem-trails move out until the entire sky is covered with flimsy, thin cloud cover. It is not the regular exhaust coming from the plane it is something they are spraying. It is there in plain sight. What is it they are leaving behind that covers the sky?
Things are happening all around us that we see everyday and just don't get what it is. I think we throw the "conspiracy theory" at people when we don't understand or have the information they have so we try and explain it that way. Plus we just don't want to believe that our government would do anything terrible to us. Well, just a few examples, the IRS attack on the Tea Party, Benghazi, wire taping, Fast and Furious just to name a few and we think that they would not manipulate our weather?

Wow, that drove the crazies out of the woodwork like swarms of termites during spring mating season.  A few choice examples lifted directly from the same Facebook page:

"You go girl! We used to have articles about this all the time and it is real and it is poison in the air and it is happening over Snowflake. I used to see it all the time. We had letters from construction workers and others who swear that they got sick after every dump in the sky. It got so bad that some crews when they saw them would just home and hide in their houses. Thank you for saying what needs to be said. And, by the way, we were the first on the mountain that reported on the New World Order and on the Continental Super-Highway over 10 years ago. SWe were right then and you are right now! Please go shut down that puppy mill that I told you about. It's sick and you would cry if you saw it and smelt it. Love you!?
" have lots of photos I have taken over the years of the planes making "X" in the sky. Seems like a day or so later lots of peopl get sick. I call it population control..... hmmmmm"
 "It's ridiculous. Is there any way we can get them to stop making chem trails? Are there bills we can pass that they can't do it in the state of AZ? And while we're looking at issues to stop or protect ourselves from, is there anything we can do to protect our state from Common Core? Happy 4th of July, btw"

Admittedly, we have a while to go before 2020. And I know that by November 2016 you’ll probably be all politicked out. So do me a favor. Just print out this post and stash it in a safe place. Four years from now, you’ll have physical proof that you read it here first.

Cross-posted at The New York Crank


Victor said...

I'm moving to that part of AZ as soon as I can!

It's obvious "they've" given people living there peyote-drips.

Though "they" should be more circumspect, and either not give already insane drips peyote drips, or QC what peyote they do give out, to prevent "bad trips" for these drips.

My aplogies at this time to our venerable commenter, Ten Bears, for joking about peyote, which is used in certain religious ceremonies, as I understand it.

Ten Bears, if you are in any was offened, remind me to tell you a joke about another substance used in a different religion:
The joke about the old Catholic priest, and the communal wine... ;-)

Yastreblyansky said...

"Typical libtard ploy to accuse a person of spreading conspiracy theories just because I'm spreading a theory about a conspiracy!"

Hilarious, Crank. The link on mandatory church attendance doesn't work, though. Here's an alternative.

Ten Bears said...

No back off my shins, Vic.

She's right about conspiracy theories. She and her cohort are also an embarrassment, if not a government distraction, to serious conspiracy theorists.

Re. chem-trails, the past few years should have convinced anyone not a flat-earth republican there is no way humans will ever exert "control" over the weather, and that flouride in the water is a far more cost effective means of population control, chem-trails are exhaust. Fossil fuels exhaust. I'm pretty sure there's a general consensus that that's not a good thing.

Ten Bears said...

Bark. No BARK off my shins.

Stupid smart phone.

The New York Crank said...

I'm sorry, Ten Bears. It's late, and I've had a few, and even though this is completely silly, nearly to the point of stupidity, I feel compelled to do it:

No bark off your shins? Arf arf!

There, now I can go to bed. Grrrr.

Yours crankily (so watch out!),
The New York Crank

Unknown said...

Arizonans are only mostly crazy. Because they actually do get more contrails (not chem trails) than most other States. And it is all the fault of the State to the west of them, my new State, New Mexico.

Why would this be? Because a huge N-S slice of New Mexico air space is a no fly zone. This is because the good folks at the White Sands Missile Range test all kinds of surface to air missiles for hundreds of flight miles South to North and has this odd aversion to blowing 747s out of the sky by mistake.

Which has the result that nearly every flight out of Southern California bound for anywhere in the Southesat is funneled through an ever tighter air corridor that hits its narrowest right above Las Cruces New Mexico and El Paso Texas. But which does have its effects to the West in Arizona.

If Chem Trails killed every body in my new town of Las Cruces would be dead, dead, dead. Because on any given clear day there are more jets flying JUST north of the Mexican border and JUST south of White Sands that is an aerial freeway of contrails. Flying from San Francisco to Miami? You fly over my town. San Diego to New York? Ditto. Only difference is that people in New Mexico are not crazy like the relocated snowbirds and lunatics that now inhabit the Valley of the Sun/Phoenix/Arpaio-Land.

Unknown said...

"And it is all the fault of the State to the west of them, my new State, New Mexico."

or east of them. Damn tequila.

Ten Bears said...

Making fun of what you don't understand is so... republican.

Now I can go back to bed.

Unknown said...

Sarah Palin you have competition.

Never Ben Better said...

Ten Bears: "back off my shin"? I thought you were riffing on "skin off my back".

Ten Bears said...

Bark. Bark off my shins. Yes, bingo, exactly. No skin off my back, nose, toes.

Nobody out there ever fell and barked their shins?