LIBERAL MEDIA BIAS APPARENTLY MANIFESTS ITSELF IN MODERATOR POSTURE AND MICROPHONE TYPE

I've been looking at the debate demands from the Republican presidential candidates and I'm trying to figure out what the demand-making candidates most remind me of. Diva pop stars insisting on special bendy straws and no brown M&Ms backstage? That Twilight Zone kid with supernatural powers who banished adults to the cornfield if they didn't do exactly what he wanted them to do? Delicate flowers who think each debate should be an Everyone Gets a Trophy Day?

And all this is an attempt to rid the debate process of liberal media bias, right? If that's the case, I'm confused. What do the following, taken from the letter prepared for debate-hosting media outlets, have to do with liberalism?

... * Who is the moderator? Will there be any additional questioners? Are they seated? ...

* What format do you envision -- podiums, table, other? ...

* Will you commit that you will not:

... o Allow candidate-to-candidate questioning

o Allow props or pledges by the candidates....

* What type of microphones (lavs or podium)? ...

So seated debate questioners are liberal, while True Patriot questioners are forced to stand? Or is it the other way around?

Podiums are socialist, while constitutional conservatives insist on tables? Or vice versa?

Candidate-to-candidate questioning is bad, because one Republican asking another Republican a question is a nefarious scheme cooked up by the Democrat Party?

Allowing debaters to pledge to do something if elected is a ruse straight out of The Communist Manifesto?

Podium microphones are what Davey Crockett would have used, while lavalier microphones are ... French?

I await clarification on all of these matters.