Monday, August 03, 2015


While the mainstream media is trying to persuade you that, apart from that awful Donald Trump, the field of Republican presidential candidates consists solely of mature, thoughtful citizens who are eminently qualified to be leaders of the Free World, Ted Cruz worked with the right-wing site IJReview to produce a video in which he cooks bacon by wrapping it around the barrel of a machine gun:

Cruz didn't originate this stunt -- I was hoping to be the first to tell you that, but Talking Points Memo beat me to the punch. However, TPM doesn't tell you much about Cruz's (unacknowledged) source:
Although Cruz and IJR didn't mention it, they seem to be borrowing the concept from YouTube user Dustin Ellermann, who uploaded his own gun grill to the Internet in March. Ellermann's video, in which he whispered "so much America right now" while wrapping bacon around a silencer, has been watched more than 920,000 times.

Watch the original video below:

Ellermann is not a mere "YouTube user." He was the winning shooter on Season 3 of the History Channel's Top Shot. He also runs a Christian camp:
Before he was the “Top Shot” champion, he was (and remains) the director of Camp His Way a summer Christian kids camp and year round retreat facility. He and his wife are also foster parents and have 3 children of their own....

“Shooting is fun to me and I thank the Lord for the opportunity to be on “Top Shot” and to now be able to share my passion for shooting through clinics, range days and other appearances. Putting God and family first, I look forward to seeing where this journey leads.” ~ Dustin
At the camp, marksmanship is one of the ways kids glorify God:

To support the camp he sells a lot of gear that links God and shooting:

On social media, he posts the usual gunner boilerplate, plus (at least once) some Texas secessionism:

He writes for Texas Fish & Game magazine and, well, his posts what you'd expect. The church shooting in Charleston, South Carolina? Title of his column: "Another 'Gun Free Zone' Mass Murder." A couple of years ago, he posted a video of helicopter hunting of hogs in Texas, done to the tune of Louis Armstrong's "It's a Wonderful World":

Oh, and do you want to see a prairie dog blown to bits? He's got that! (Don't worry, it's pixilated out, but you can "Click for the uncensored version.")

And, of course, he thought that fake Craigslist help-wanted ad for "Attorney General," posted after Eric Holder announced his resignation, was "one of the funniest things ever":

I'm sure his bacon video was Cruz's inspiration -- after all, it was shown on Fox & Friends and linked at Breitbart. And I have to say that he and Cruz seem to be a perfect match. Maybe President Cruz will appoint him to head the ATF.


Oh, and of course he's a Bundyite:

(More responses to this at Memeorandum.)


Glennis said...

"Blaming guns for crime is like blaming spray paint for graffiti."

Nice analogy. Most cities do restrict access to spray paint.

Victor said...

Hey Teddy Cruz-ader, I have a way you can save time to enjoy your gun-cooked bacon.

Load the gun, and stuff the bacon into the barrel.

Then, put the barrel in your mouth, and "PRESTO!"
Instant hot bacon bits in your mouth!
And, brain bits on your wall.

But not too many brain bits, 'cause, as smart as people say you are, I think you're quite a bit shy in the intelligence department.
Especially, 'Emotional Intelligence.'

It's only August, and the GOP "TEH STOOOOOOOOOPID" already has a guy frying bacon on a machine gun barrel.

retiredeng said...

It's like these idiots are trying to out do "Jackass."

Feud Turgidson said...

Glory-osky, this is why he's such a jerk

Dear hispanic Ted McCarthy:
All that ammo you just spent
Plus your crackpot bringing-uppy
Means you won't be president.
Your sole support is rich and crazy,
And your family is nuts -
Golly, Rafi, no surprise you're such a putz!

See, hispanic Joe Mcarthy
We're not here in substitute
For parental love gone twisty
Or to shower you with loot.
Most voters already get you
And this will not change their minds
Deep down below you sport a boot.

Sport a boot, sport a boot -
A right-heeled boot:
To inflict much pain without a hoot.
Sport a boot, sport a boot -
A steel-toed boot:
To kick about and force out loot.

Never Ben Better said...

It's like these folks inhabit an alternative universe that insists on intersecting with our own.

Unknown said...

"I've heard a few rumors of weapon confiscations from those at #BundyRanch. So now we have no #2A and #1A zones? What happened to America?"

Plainclothes police in Galveston snatch a 12yo girl from in front of her house and throw her into the back of an unmarked van, then beat her senseless when she resists.

By golly, you are right buddy! What happened to America?

petrilli said...

Cruz is sliding into geek territory with this. If he is this desperate to upstage Trump, he should just consult an expert showman like this fellow republican", to learn how to do "geek" right.

Or maybe emulate .Oofty Goofty.