JOE THE PLUMBER WANTS MARRIAGE POLICY TO BE DETERMINED BY PREADOLESCENT BOYS, NOT CRACKHEAD STRIPPERS LIVING IN LUXURY
(or something like that)

The first thing that will probably catch your eye if you go to Joe "the Plumber" Wurzelbacher's Joe for America site is that he's giving away an AR-15. (But these days, who isn't?) That might be all you care to know about JTP (well, that and the fact that he'll be pissed off at you if you call the AR-15 an "assault weapon"), but you really should stay for the incisive commentary.

Like "Tolerance for Everything (Except God)," which also appears in Joe's RedState member diary, and which explains that if we truly want to understand the gay marriage debate, we should look to the wisdom of children:

While being gay has been around forever, (here I go) it’s not a normal thing for a man to look upon another man with lust in his eyes. Acceptance is one thing, but to label it as normal is where things begin to go south. A little background.

30 years ago we use to play a game called "smear the queer;" a game where whoever had the football got gang tackled. It was a normal. If you had the ball, you were the queer, because no one else had the ball, and having the ball made you odd or "queer" in that respect. Of course, you could throw the ball to another player and the pack would quickly turn to smear that queer, without regard to his or her sexuality, I might add. Queer, gay, homo, fag meant nothing having to do with what you were attracted to and no one committed suicide, got beat up or even called names in that regard. That was my experience.

Then, about ten years later, the media and the ever-tolerant Hollywood (not), began portraying homosexual (men) on television and film as the "Funny" one or the one you felt sorry for - just to get us used to the idea. C'mon - who didn't laugh at Paul Lynde or Charles Nelson Reilly? And not until Ellen demanded her character come out of the closet (which she was summarily fired for) did gay characters litter the big and small screen alike, whether it was important or not. ( Just to go a little further with this point, Hollywood will put "gay" characters in tv show/movies that are not relevant to the plot. They try to portray this as "Normal" America. I can tell you right now, when I'm tossing the football with my son in front of the house, I have never seen 2 men hand in hand prancing down the street. You?)

Tightly reasoned!

From this, Joe turns nimbly to other burning social issues:

Policies from our meddling Federal Government have done everything they can do to destroy the family structure in America and squelch Christian's values. Welfare, in the form of food stamps and monthly checks issued with no responsibility whatsoever, not only encourage single parenting – actually requires there be no man involved. We know this to be true, but will liberals admit it and help to change it? Of course not, because crack-heads, strippers and government dependents tend to vote Democrat. I need more stuff – give me more stuff.

The final destruction and/or perversion of the definition of marriage is next.

Marriage is the cornerstone for a solid society and destroying it destroys us all. You don't have to look at crime rates and stats about strippers who come from families without a father and mother to know what's going on. Just look around you – who's doing better, the people who grew up in traditional families or the ones breaking into your house, smoking crack or taking dollar bills from strangers, gawking at their nude body?

So to sum up: crackhead strippers are living much higher on the hog than you and I are, so we should abolish welfare, and we should also ban gay marriage, which, as every eleven-year-old boy knows, is not "normal."

Got it?

Oh, and here's the promo video for Joe's AR-15 giveaway -- which is scored to Kid Rock's "Bawitdaba," a song that's largely a shout-out to sex workers, criminals, and drug addicts: