Alex Jones: Clinton eats Christian babies!
Trump: People are saying Clinton eats Christian babies. I don't know, people are saying it.
Press: Clinton campaign dogged by questions about infant cannibalism.
Lefties: Clinton is part of the neo-liberal infant-eating Establishment.
Press: Infant cannibalism issue highlights Clinton's lack of transparency.
Trump: I could eat a baby on 5th Ave & wouldn't lose voters. In fact, I've done that. I have. I'm being sarcastic obviously. But really, not that sarcastic.
Pundits: Clinton needs to come clean on the infant cannibalism issue. She needs to release a full list of everything she's eaten, ever. Or else stop eating. Maybe both.
AP: A review of Clinton's email confirms she may have eaten Christian babies.
Media Critics, to AP: That isn't how this works. That isn't how any of this works.
David Fahrenthold: So far I have confirmed 157 babies eaten by Trump.
Kurt Eichenwald: Make that 158.
Trump: Cannibal Hillary claims she doesn't eat babies. Does anyone believe that?
Press: Both campaigns are being less than fully transparent.
AP, 2 weeks later: Never mind.
Update: From Yastreblyansky, in comments:
The Intercept: Disgusting neoconservative Hillary Clinton's horrible, evil, and aesthetically completely failed Christian baby-eating habit is not mentioned in any of the leaked DNC emails. Accident, or is somebody deliberately trying to keep it quiet? There's a surprise coming in the next batch.