Thursday, September 15, 2016

Welcome to the 2016 News Cycle

Alex Jones: Clinton eats Christian babies!

Trump: People are saying Clinton eats Christian babies. I don't know, people are saying it.

Press: Clinton campaign dogged by questions about infant cannibalism.

Lefties: Clinton is part of the neo-liberal infant-eating Establishment.

Press: Infant cannibalism issue highlights Clinton's lack of transparency.

Trump: I could eat a baby on 5th Ave & wouldn't lose voters. In fact, I've done that. I have. I'm being sarcastic obviously. But really, not that sarcastic.

Pundits: Clinton needs to come clean on the infant cannibalism issue. She needs to release a full list of everything she's eaten, ever. Or else stop eating. Maybe both.

AP: A review of Clinton's email confirms she may have eaten Christian babies.

Media Critics, to AP: That isn't how this works. That isn't how any of this works.

David Fahrenthold: So far I have confirmed 157 babies eaten by Trump.

Kurt Eichenwald: Make that 158.

Trump: Cannibal Hillary claims she doesn't eat babies. Does anyone believe that?

Press: Both campaigns are being less than fully transparent.

AP, 2 weeks later: Never mind.

Update: From Yastreblyansky, in comments:

The Intercept: Disgusting neoconservative Hillary Clinton's horrible, evil, and aesthetically completely failed Christian baby-eating habit is not mentioned in any of the leaked DNC emails. Accident, or is somebody deliberately trying to keep it quiet? There's a surprise coming in the next batch.

17 comments:

Victor said...



LOL, Tom!

But you forgot to mention that Hillary regularly boils puppies and kitties in oil, just to watch them die, and hear their shrieks!

I read it on Drudge (not really), so it'll be on Rush and "DUMBFUX" "news" soon, and then the NY Times can go on another Clinton-bashing expedition.

Lit3Bolt said...

That's it! I'm cancelling my subscription to the AP...

...

...fuck.

Well, kudos to Vox, the usual suspect Left news outlets, kos and TPM, Digby/BJ/LGM/Booman/driftglass/Shakesville, Steve M, Crank, Yas, you Tom, and the WaPo for keeping me sane this election.

Need to make a lot of tips...

Nick said...

Might I add, Dok Zoom?

Daro said...

You've gone off the rails bud. Happily deleting this blog.

The New York Crank said...

You're on to something, Tom. And the proof is, neither of them has released their recipe books.

Yours crankily,
The New York Crank

Dark Avenger said...

Ohhhh, that's scary, Daro, especially coming from someone whose last blog entry was seven years ago. What's next, you won't finish your veggies at dinner time?

Buford said...

Yep...that pretty much sums up this campaign season...

Jim Snyder said...

@NYCrank: "To Serve Humanity"

Tom Hilton said...

Daro, I think you're a little confused. Only someone with admin rights can delete this blog (I believe that's only Steve M.). What you mean to say is that you're flouncing away in a huff. And just to reassure you, that never ever looks totally ridiculous no really I mean that.

Tom Hilton said...

NYC & Jim Snyder: I still haven't read my firm's Human Resources manual, because I'm afraid I'll find out it's a cookbook.

Jim Snyder said...

@TomHilton @NYCrank: Yum yum!

Great snark, by the way. I'd give (almost) anything to be able to write like that.

swkellogg said...

1. What Lit3Bolt said.

2. I was slightly, and only slightly, encouraged by the fact that the folks a National Totebag Radio actually used the word LIE today in two separate stories about Trump.

Maybe the beating of the anti-Broderist drums is finally being heard along the Mohawk after all.

Bob Muir said...

Brilliant.
the thing about this whole process that truly disturbs me is that the Clinton campaign seems to have been caught flat footed by this. Why is that? They have been doing this to her and her husband for years - how could they be surprised that this is happening? Were they too busy pivoting to thing this would happen? Really it's like seeing Con Ed in NY being taken unaware by summer more than one. It makes one uneasy.

Kathy said...

Brilliant, Tom! I'm linking this on Facebook.

Yastreblyansky said...

Brilliant.

Though you left out The Intercept:

Disgusting neoconservative Hillary Clinton's horrible, evil, and aesthetically completely failed Christian baby-eating habit is not mentioned in any of the leaked DNC emails. Accident, or is somebody deliberately trying to keep it quiet? There's a surprise coming in the next batch.

Tom Hilton said...

Hahaha! Yes, definitely. And thanks!

Jim Snyder said...

@Yas: +1