Friday, June 05, 2009

Coast to Coast with Michael Steele

The Republican National Committee has released a series of exciting new videos called "Coast to Coast" starring their party chairman and executive silly person Michael Steele and, golly gee willikers, home slice, do they ever stimulate my package. They each feature a city Steele has visited (he's been, like, everywhere) and saucy, danceable regional background music (try not to get "jiggy wid it," I dare you! Salsa! Blues! Some kinda Texas music!). Each video is comprised of sped-up footage of local Republicans, including every GOP minority within a fifty mile radius, meeting with Steele and walking really fast and signing people up for things and teabagging hippies. There are also snippets of Steele's speeches which rely on heavy repetition ("let's get about the business of...," "you will not be budged...," "now is the time...," "I need you to...") and are jam packed with wizdum like this:
I'm asking you to make a small sacrifice to help us build, to help us grow, to help us to stay in the game, not get back in it 'cause, folks, we never left it, so don't believe the hype. We're still in the game. They don't want you to know that, but we're still in the game.
In another video he illustrates that they're "still in the game" (and that he's down with his bad self) by shooting an imaginary basketball! He posts up! And it's an airball! Oof! You are not the Hoops & Change Messiah, silly person! He never misses.

Steele also encourages Republicans to lure folks into the party, but none of those RINO-types, so I guess he expects them to dig up corpses and pull some Frankenstein-like shit because last time I checked the bankrupt wingnut factories didn't get any bailout money:
I'm glad you want to be a Republican, but I don't need you to be a Republican in name only, I need you to be a Republican in principal.
Everyone in the crowd "ooooooohs!" after that because they love hating people, even some of their fellow Republicans. But their tent is big and getting bigger. Really, it is! Don't believe the hype. The end.

[cross-posted at Rumproast]

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