Saturday, May 02, 2009


There's nothing startlingly original in Pat Boone's latest World Net Daily column, "Are We Blind, Nuts or Just Stupid?" -- and yet there's a pure brilliance about it. It's a catalogue of right-wing nightmare scenarios that's so compact and yet so comprehensive that if you're packing up a time capsule in the hope that citizens a century hence will understand how we lived, this is the probably the one paranoid wingnut rant you'll want to include.

It imagines the experience of "one family" living in the hell that is the United States under Obama, that family being "you." The nightmare begins "tomorrow morning":

Tomorrow morning, while you're pouring your Cheerios, a strange Hispanic man comes up through your basement door, with his wife and a couple kids, and he explains they broke the window into your basement -- and have moved in. He asks, "What's for breakfast?" And when you ask him angrily what gave him the idea he could do that, he tells you he just wants to share in the American Dream, like you do.

While you're sputtering about that, realizing he's an illegal alien, he tells you he wants your car to take his kids to enroll in the local grade school! And also to drive his wife to a local hospital, because she's soon to give birth to a new citizen. He has no money, but he's perfectly willing to do whatever job you create for him....

That's just the appetizer. The cops won't arrest the intruder, "your" bank says "you" owe it $30 million, and "your" lawyer can't help you:

He tells you the law he learned in school has been junked, along with the Constitution it was based on. The country is now governed -- and soon totally owned -- by officials who have merged the United States into a New World Order, aligned with the European Union and its ideas of morality, law and economy. It's about to be announced that Mexico, the U.S. and Canada are now one happy entity called New America.

Because this is a right-wing nightmare, the New World Order includes both rampant sexuality and the repressive moralism of non-Jewish Semitic brown people:

The all-powerful NEA has already indoctrinated your kids with the new "world think," and they seem puzzled that you're not happy with these great new developments.

"Dad," they say, "it's all good! There's nothing to worry about now. All we really need is provided by President Obama, and all Americans have exactly the same things. The churches are all closed, and the preachers are going to jail for 'hate speech,' so we have our Sundays free to do what we want. The teachers give all us kids condoms, and if somebody still gets pregnant, we just get an abortion slip from the principal and go to the Obama Family Planning Center next to the school!

"The Muslim teachers tell us that we'll all be living under what they call 'Shariah something,' some other rules, but as long as we do what we're told, we'll all get along fine. So, please, Dad, stop crying. ... The president has thought of everything. It's all good!"

There's more, -- "Worldollars," the U.N. taking over everything (as opposed to Muslims taking over everything, or Europe taking over everything, or a North American Union taking over everything), and so on -- and it's all going to happen "tomorrow." And Pat says it's all in the Bible!

As I say, nothing you haven't read in a hundred other paranoid rants, but it's nice to have it all in one place. Really, every right-wing rant-writer can just retire now. This is the reference standard.

No comments: