RIGHT-WING COMEDY: STILL A CONTRADICTION IN TERMS

This Fox News segment is as bad as it sounds:

'Crooked & Cream': 'The Five' Suggests Some Anti-Liberal Ben & Jerry's Flavors

After Ben & Jerry's re-branded one of its ice cream flavors to take a stand against the Trump administration, The Five came up with a few flavors of their own.

The famous ice cream company unveiled "Pecan Resist," a limited edition pint that was previously known as "New York Super Fudge Chunk."

... Jesse Watters revealed his list of "anti-liberal" flavors in response, starting with "Abolish Ice...cream," "Second Amend-mint" and "Crooked & Cream."

... Greg Gutfeld ... also conjured up some flavor names of his own, including "Raisin Awareness" and "Caravan-illa."

The segment is really embarrassing.



Gutfeld, the guy who's supposed to have comedy chops, goes into a strident monologue about the health effects of ice cream:

Now, I bet this stuff tastes good, but who cares? The company says that by purchasing this glop you'll be supporting, quote, "groups who are fighting President Trump's regressive agenda." But they should add "while also adding to your deadly obesity." Because isn't that what Ben & Jerry's does? They speak calories to power. According to the NIH, obesity and being overweight leads to 300,000 deaths per year in the U.S. That's second only to smoking. The math is simple: If obesity kills that many people a year, and ice cream makes you obese, how large a role does Ben & Jerry's play in this? Aren't they part of the problem? They're like overweight Marlboro men. Maybe that's why they play up the activism. They want you to think their heart is in the right place as they're busy clogging yours.

Okay, "speak calories to power" isn't bad. But the rest of this is humorless finger-wagging. It's not a denunciation of Ben & Jerry's ice cream, it's a denunciation of all ice cream. Remember when the right used to say that liberals were the ones who were anti-fun?

When the segment lightens up, we get some names for conservative flavors from Jesse Watters. In addition to the ones cited above, they include such knee-slappers as:

* Strzok Chocolate

* Lock Her Up Peanut Butter Cup

* Mooch Tracks

* Nougat Gingrich

And ...

* Make America Grape Again

Sorry, I have to stop. This is unbearable. The Five seem to be having a swell time throughout the segment, but no one with a sense of humor will be able to say the same.