DICK MORRIS: ABOUT AS PLAUSIBLE AS QANON, BUT MUCH MORE BORING

Dick Morris? Is he still alive? Yes, and apparently there's still an audience, however small, for his political punditry. Here's an embarrassingly bad column of his that ran last week at a Z-list right-wing site called the Western Journal:

Dick Morris: Bloomberg Could Win Dem Nomination

I told you it was embarrassingly bad.

Bye bye Biden. As Joe stinks to 19 percent and 22 percent in the latest Monmouth (8/26) and Economist/UGov (8/21) polls, putting him in a statistical tie with Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren for the first time, there is an opening for former New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg in the Democratic primary.

Actually, for better or worse, Biden still has a lead of 13.5 points in the Real Clear Politics polling average. But go on, Dick.

Here’s how it might come about:

Step One: Biden fades into a tie with Sanders and Warren (already happening) and then falls to third place. Biden has no way to come back. He is the candidate of events that happened between 2008-2016. If the past is not enough to propel him into the future — as it manifestly is not — nothing he can say now will boost him further....

Since he announced, he has fallen from 42 percent of the vote to 19 percent. He ain’t coming back.

Actually, according to RCP, Biden's peak was 41.4, back in May, but he's at 30.4 now. The old bastard still has some fight in him.

Step Two: The former Biden voters all go to Warren.

Hunh?

They won’t go to Sanders. Ever since he announced, Sanders has never made it past the low 20s in the polls. The remaining 80 percent are immune to his charm. Warren’s surge from 8 percent to 20 percent is what has laid Biden low. And she will continue to pick up the votes he sheds, as she is now doing.

Um, Dick, you know there are like three hundred other candidates still in the race, right?

How about Harris and the others? The swish of Warren’s momentum will eat up all the oxygen that might otherwise fuel their candidacies. It will be all Warren, all the time.

Wow, glad we settled that! Don't know why we're even having debates or primaries or caucuses!

So, in a few weeks, look for Warren to become the front runner by an increasingly large margin.

I'd like that, but you make it sound much too easy, Dick.

Oh, but then:

Step Three: That will freak out the establishment and center of the Democratic Party. They know Warren can’t win and is too radical and shrewish to pull it off.

Shrewish!

She looks like what she is: A former professor who is tough as nails and will flunk you as soon as look at you.

I find her engaging and appealingly nerdy. But what do I know? I'm an aging soy boy, I guess, not a rugged, traditionalist man of the soil like, er, Dick Morris.

... So the hunt will be on for the Great Moderate Hope. Hillary will test the waters and find them scalding.

He mentioned Hillary! Drink!

Tom Steyer will hope for lightning, but he’s too unknown and too conservative.

Does Morris even know who Tom Steyer is?

But Bloomberg would fit the bill precisely. There’s still time to file for the primaries and his brand of social liberalism and economic moderation will attract voters who are scared of a Warren wipeout in 2020.

Does Bloomberg want to be president? Duh. Yes.

Can he go toe to toe with Donald? He’s been mayor of New York and held his own with the toughest press corps outside of Washington.

He can demagogue with the best of them and still appeal to the business community as they look up from their Bloomberg software terminals in their offices.

It can happen.

Bloomberg opposes tax increases on the rich and still likes stop-and-frisk. You think he'll appeal to core Democratic voters, of all races? At least Biden is trying to move himself to the left a bit. On these issues, Bloomberg is to Biden's right. Plus, voters find Biden (or at least The Onion's version of Biden) likable. I've met morticians with more charisma than Bloomberg.

Is Morris angling for a job? I assumed Doug Schoen, that other fraudulent faux-Democrat, would have that gig locked down in Bloomberg ever runs.

In any case, that's what Dick Morris is up to these days. Now you can go back to ignoring him.