BEN CARSON CLAIMS THE MEDIA IS INVESTIGATING HIM FOR ADULTERY?

As part of Ben Carson's (apparently quite successful) efforts to persuade Republican voters that he's being persecuted by the mean old media, he spoke to David Brody of Pat Robertson's CBN today. In addition to claiming that an informal offer of help with West Point admissions is exactly the same as receiving a formal offer of a place there, Carson said the press is tracking down other rumors:

Brody: …What is your message to Evangelical[s] as it relates to this in terms of what the media is doing here and about the vetting process and about being under scrutiny?

Carson: My message is that all that is going on I fully expect because the, particularly the secular progressive movement is incredibly threatened by me. They will continue to look for anything, I mean they'll ask my kindergarten teacher if I wet my pants. They will go through all lengths to try to discredit it me, but I have the truth on my side, so I'm not particularly worried about them. They're already very frustrated because they've been every place I've (muffled). They were sure there was some kind of scandal. They were sure there was a nurse that I had an affair with -- something, and they're getting very, very frustrated.

"They were sure there was a nurse that I had an affair with"? Really? Is this a hypothetical? Or is he saying that he's heard that this was literally a topic of inquiry?

I can't find a reference to this rumor anywhere in the bowels of the Internet, but hey, maybe it's being whispered about somewhere (in some competing candidate's opposition-research shop, perhaps? or in Roger Stone's subterranean lair?). My guess is that the adultery story isn't true, but I'm not sure there even is an adultery story -- at this point, I'm not putting it past Carson to make up an attack on himself, just for the extra sympathy. (Through the Fire: My War with the Secular Progressives Who Tried to Destroy My Reputation and Ban Christianity will probably be at your local bestseller sometime in 2017, and be Carson's biggest bestseller yet.)

And if the adultery rumor were true? Herman Cain was brought down by adultery, but the love for Carson among Christian conservatives is so great that they'd probably conclude that using the term "adultery" to describe a sexual relationship between Carson and a woman other than his wife was just an evil trick of semantics on the part of "secular progressives" in the LIE-beral media. It would be beyond what a lot of liberals said about Bill Clinton (yeah, he's a dog, but the proper punishment is Hillary making him sleep on the couch, not impeachment). I think, somehow, Carson would emerge with the Carsonistas admiring him more. Teflon? This is so far beyond Teflon that material science hasn't invented anything that would be a suitable metaphor. He just turns attacks into anti-matter. He's definitely the favorite to win the nomination.