#Blizzard2016: Seven ways snow in Washington is like our governmentUm, why the scare quotes? It's not a "blizzard." It's a blizzard. There's an official blizzard warning. The word has an actual meaning -- "Officially, the National Weather Service defines a blizzard as a storm which contains large amounts of snow OR blowing snow, with winds in excess of 35 mph and visibilities of less than 1/4 mile for an extended period of time (at least 3 hours)." This storm fits those criteria. So it's a blizzard.
By Sharon Kehnemui
On Thursday, Washington, D.C., Maryland, and Virginia declared states of emergency starting Friday for the "blizzard" scheduled to hit the D.C. metropolitan area over the weekend.
Democratic D.C. Mayor Muriel Bowser ... said in a press conference on Thursday that the storm is the most snowfall she can remember forecasted on record – this despite some major regional storms in 2010, 2003, and 1996.The mayor can't remember exact snow totals from twenty years ago. Typical liberal!
Sorry -- do I seem as if I'm ascribing political rancor to Kehnemui where none exists? Well I've read ahead, so I know what's coming once you get to the heart of this little essay:
So how is snow in Washington like government in Washington but more so? Here are some examples:Sorry, but 12-24 inches is a realistic prediction from everything I've heard. If there's that much snow, how was it an "empty threat"?
1. It Prevents Businesses From Operating Freely.
We will be OPEN all-day Friday and having an All-Day #HappyHour and other snow specials. #blizzard2016. Saturday will play by ear.
— DGS Delicatessen (@DGSDelicatessen) January 21, 2016
2. It Issues A Lot of Empty Threats (A lot).
"As far as snow accumulation maps are concerned," wrote CBS Baltimore on Thursday, "12-24 inches seems likely. Exact numbers remain uncertain at this time as the difference between seeing a few inches of snow or well over a foot … may be less than 100 miles."
3. It Runs Roughshod on the Free Market....Should I continue to quote this ridiculous thing? I'll just give you the bullet points:
4. It Elicits Hyperbole at the Smallest Affront....This piece is incoherent. But, of course, it doesn't have to be coherent -- it was written for Fox, so if it makes the Fox audience hate the usual enemies even more than before, it's a success.
5. It Creates Gridlock....
6. It Impacts the Ability of Our Children to Get an Education....
7. It Eventually Ends in a Government Shutdown.
But why would anyone write this? Why would anyone publish this? The author is a marketing consultant who previously worked for Fox and the American Enterprise Institute; she calls herself an "idea generator," and, well, I guess you could say this piece is based on some sort of idea.
But why publish it? I guess if you've cultivated a crack-level addiction to rage in your audience -- rage at Washington, rage at "big government," rage at liberalism -- the folks in your audience will take anything that will satisfy the craving, no matter how poor the quality. This piece is cut with incoherence, but it'll (barely) satisfy the jones. Don't worry, though -- Fox will be back with purer stuff sooner or later.
http://www.frequencypartners.com/about-sharon-kehnemui/
Reminds me of what William Burroughs wrote about junk: It sells itself.
ReplyDeleteNow, another sad saga of addiction:
Keith Olbermann: (whispers) I have something TEN TIMES more potent than Clinton Crack.
Chris: I’m interested.
Keith: Obama Opium.
Chris: Opium? They still make that?
Keith: No. Not just regular opium. Obama Opium. It’s the main ingredient in Black Tar Heroin.
Chris: I think they liked to be called African American now.
Keith: What?
Chris: It would be African American Tar Heroin. You know? I thought you were more racially sensitive than that? Whatever. Forget about it. Tell me about the drugs. Where did you get it?
Keith: Well, you can’t tell anyone.
Chris: This is just between you me and Andrea.
Andrea: (twitching) Did you just say you had some Clinton Crack?
Keith: No.
Andrea: Because we’d have some if Chris hadn’t smoked it all!
Chris: I get it, Andrea! I’m a fat bastard. All right, Keith. Tell us. Where did you get the stuff?
Keith: (mumbles) Muurrr-murrrr.
Chris: What? Speak up. Why are you mumbling?
Keith: Sean Hannity.
Chris: What?
Keith: I got it through Alan Combs from Sean Hannity. I was desperate. It so hard to act like I give a shit night after night. I just needed a little something to take the edge off. I used to snort that Bush Blow, but it doesn’t work like it used to. Plus it made me really, really angry. Or maybe that was just the Rove ‘Roids. I was trying to lose weight. I just needed something to even me out and Combs told me Sean was smoking the Big O every night. He hooked me up.
Chris: Does it work?
Keith: Oh (smiling) … it’ll get you high.
http://blacksnob.com/2008/07/15/satire-drug-of-choice/
Ha-ha those NASA lieberals were all wrong! Wasting our money on fake snow forecasts.this is all a hoax to steal money from hard working Americans! Now we see that hardly any snow has fallen in Texas!!
ReplyDeleteWell, it is winter.
ReplyDeleteNot to make light, having spoken this morning with my brother in Queens and sister in Buffalo, of the situation, but out here we've had a couple feet of snow on the ground since November and are just a couple days out of six weeks of thirty and below temps. Because anthropogenic changes to the atmosphere in aggregate are reflected locally as an amplification of what would otherwise be “normal” weather: extreme weather. For example, here our “normal” is nice, and of late “extremely nice”. However, when we do experience what would normally be nasty weather it is ”extremely” nasty. Not unusual, or "abnormal", just rare. Not something we've seen in ten or fifteen years.
Not to deny the validity of erring on the side of caution, in particular when half the population is impacted, but I think reporting on this has been a tad overblown.
Please don't knock Fox for dong this. It opens up a whole new market for starving hack essayists. Now that I've got the formula, maybe even I can do a few.
ReplyDelete*12 ways the snow thaw resembles Barack Obama's traitorous foreign policy
* 7 terrifyingly eerie similarities between March winds and Hillary Clinton
* Why you should be scared witless that Bernie Sanders resembles Yoda, and vice-versa
• This winter's "blizzard" and 9 other proofs that "global warming" is a hoax
•9 things liberals are doing to summon up Gog and Magog
Start writing those checks, Fox! Here I come!
Yours very crankily,
The New York Crank