MITT LIKES TO LIE. WHY DOESN'T HE JUST INVENT A BACKSTORY FOR HIMSELF?

It's widely acknowledged, even by mainstream journalists, that Mitt Romney is quite willing to lie unashamedly if he thinks it will advance his interests. So I wonder why he doesn't just lie as a way of dealing with this problem:

"He's not coming across as a regular guy," said Bruno Kazenas, a school music teacher.

"It's hard to be around a guy with that much money," said Jonathan Rosa, a deputy police officer....

Ron Romonchuk, a retired consultant, called Romney "a 1 percenter" who has never gotten his hands dirty. He recalled former president George H.W. Bush going to a "hole in the wall" restaurant while in office. "I don't ever see Mitt Romney doing that," Romonchuk said....

Frank Stagliano, a retired headhunter who supports Obama, was caustic in his evaluation of Romney. "He has a hard time being a regular guy," he said. "He makes it very obvious by putting jeans on. He picks up phrases from the particular parts of the country he's in. ... He tries to fit in too hard."

... "I would like to see what kind of person he is on the inside," said Theresa Crudele, a tech vendor.

Julie Saunders, a paralegal, said Romney seems "stiff, a little distant" and asked, "What is his true personality?" She wondered: Is he cool or buttoned-down? "I'm hoping he's cool," she said.

So a lot of voters think he's an aloof rich guy and a lot of voters find him unknowable. Why doesn't he just cynically concoct a fake life-trauma story that will then be trotted out to explain why he has trouble opening up to people? Not that he'd tell the story himself, of course (I believe Ann would be brought on to do the deed).

I bring this up in part because -- OK, I'm going to gross you out with this juxtaposition -- there's been a lot of talk lately about the Fifty Shades trilogy of "mommy porn" books, which are selling like crazy, especially in e-book form, and which recently made the cover of Newsweek. In Newsweek, professional anti-feminist provocateur-wannabe Katie Roiphe says the books are selling because women want to experience some of the sexual submission in the S&M-themed novels. But other reviewers have argued that that's not the only possible explanation: among other things,

it's a classic damaged-boy-saved-by-love-of-a-good-woman narrative that everyone loves.

The hero of the books is an emotionally scarred billionaire. Everything I've read about the books says the sex is what sells them, but the heroine's ability to break through the billionaire's defenses is an important component.

I'm not bringing this up for the S&M. I'm just saying that if Romney could fake an emotional trauma and let it be bruited about that that's why it's so hard for him to break through emotionally, he'd be home free.

Our last three presidents have been elected by shoeing us scars from their past -- Obama the son without a father and with a struggling, peripatetic mother; Bush the ex-drunk; Clinton the son of a young widow and stepson of a hard-drinking abuser.

Make stuff up, Mitt. Fake some backstory. No bondage, please (God, no!) -- but put your prevarication skills to work and you'll win in a walk.