Tuesday, February 07, 2012

DON TURDBLOSSOM DRAPER

I guess I'm trying to figure out what sort of Chrysler ad actually would have met with Karl Rove's approval. I suppose it would have said something like this:

Look, that evil Kenyan put a gun to our heads and forced us to take his filthy socialist money. We never should have done it -- in fact, we never should have tried to survive at all. We should have been left to die. Creative destruction, y'know? That's really the American way.

We're sorry we exist. We're sorry we're still making cars, and directly and indirectly keeping hundreds of thousands of people employed. A real American president would have kicked our union thugs to the curb and cut them off without unemployment benefits. But since we're all still here wasting America's money by working and producing actual consumer goods rather than exotic financial instruments, maybe the few bleeding-heart liberals out there who aren't too effeminate to be watching the Super Bowl could throw us a few bucks and buy a car. If you do that, of course, it's because you hate America. But we know all you goddamn liberals really do hate America, so this is a perfect opportunity for you.

We're Chrysler. Regrettably for America, we're not going anywhere.


Is that more or less what you would have preferred, Karl?

4 comments:

  1. Karl says, "Yes. That's MUCH better!"

    Why does Karl Rove hate America?

    Why is Karl Rove not in some jail cell for the rest of his miserable life?

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  2. Rove no doubt LOVES America, as I'm sure P.T. Barnum and Al Capone did. Where else in the more-or-less civilized world would such a nonentity ever be able to amass a fortune, at least intermittent national political power, and continuing mass-media treatment as someone whose thoughts were worth attention?

    Excellent piece, Steve. It deserves plenty of dissemination.

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  3. Where else in the more-or-less civilized world would such a nonentity ever be able to amass a fortune on the backs of suckers, born every minute.

    Good one, BH, and yes, it needs wide dissemination. Steve, I'm throwing a copy of this, with proper attribution, of course, up over at my place. That'll give it another sixty ;-) views or so.

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