PARANOID WHINING IS MY BUSINESS, AND BUSINESS IS GOOD

Coming to bookstores soon, as reported by Publishers Lunch:

National Review Online blogger "David Kahane"'s (a nom de cyber for a Hollywood writer) RULES FOR RADICAL CONSERVATIVES, a funny, incendiary playbook for turning the left's political strategies and techniques against it, proposed in a recent column that became an internet sensation, to ... Ballantine, ... for publication in Summer 2010.

Well, I wouldn't exactly say it was an Internet sensation, but perhaps you recall the article in question -- "I Still Hate You, Sarah Palin" -- in which "Kahane," in the preposterously stereotyped voice of a liberal, outlined the Vast Left-Wing Conspiracy to Destroy Sarah Palin, which, preposterously, involved not just lefties and real and fake members of "the liberal media" (i.e., the usual subjects), but also two right-wing pundits and a pair of Rudy Giuliani fans from the entertainment community (who knew we were such talented recruiters?):

And so the word went out, from that time and place: Eviscerate Sarah Palin like one of her field-dressed moose. Turn her life upside down. Attack her politics, her background, her educational history. Attack her family. Make fun of her husband, her children. Unleash the noted gynecologist Andrew Sullivan to prove that Palin's fifth child was really her grandchild. Hit her with everything we have: Maureen Dowd of the New York Times, taking a beer-run break from her quixotic search for Mr. Right to drip venom on Sister Sarah; post-funny comic David Letterman, to joke about her and her daughters on national television; Katie Couric, the anchor nobody watches, to give this Alaskan interloper a taste of life in the big leagues; former New York Times hack Todd "Mr. Dee Dee Myers" Purdum, to act as an instrument of Graydon Carter's wrath at Vanity Fair. Heck, we even burned her church down. Even after the teleological triumph of The One, the assault had to continue, each blow delivered with our Lefty SneerTM (viz.: Donny Deutsch yesterday on Morning Joe), until Sarah was finished.

You know what? It worked! McCain finally succumbed to his long-standing case of Stockholm Syndrome ("My friends, you have nothing to fear from an Obama presidency"), Tina Fey turned Palin into a see-Russia-from-my-house joke, "conservative" useful idiots like Peggy Noonan and Kathleen Parker hatched her, and finally Sarah cried No mas and walked away.

"Kahane"-pretending-to-be-a-lefty explains what Noonan and Parker and Letterman and Fey and all the other conspirators eagerly signed up for:

In Saul Alinsky's Rules for Radicals, "the fourth rule is: Make the enemy live up to their own book of rules." This is the book that "Reset" Rodham (what ever happened to her?) and BHO II grew up reading and continue to live by. If you don't understand that that’s the way we see you -- as the enemy -- then you're too dumb to survive. Remember that for us politics is not just an avocation, or even just a job, but our life. We literally stay awake nights thinking up ways to screw you. And one of the ways we do that is by religiously observing Alinsky’s Rule No. 4.

Ah, but there's a solution:

What you clowns need ... is a Rules for Radical Conservatives to explain what you're up against and teach you how to compete before it's too late. Luckily, since I care about money even more than I care about politics, I have just such a book in the proposal stage, currently making the rounds of various publishers, assuming any of them are wise enough to take me up on it.

Which is precisely what's happened: he got his book deal. Ballantine (not a right-wing publisher, and a division of Random House) has taken on "Kahane" and will publish his masterwork of projection -- it may as well be called THIS IS A 320-PAGE EFFORT TO PROJECT EVERYTHING WE TRIED TO DO TO BILL CLINTON ONTO YOU BASTARDS -- next year.

I'm not sure who "Kahane" is. He's certainly trying to write like David Mamet in wingnut mode, and he's entertained by the thought that some people think he actually is Mamet, but he could just as easily be some Big Hollywood hack who wishes he could be Mamet.