WRITE MAUREEN DOWD'S NEXT COLUMN!

It's scheduled to appear tomorrow, and I think it's going to be called "The Pansies of April." Starting with North Carolina governor Mike Easley's words of praise for Hillary Clinton -- that she "makes Rocky Balboa look like a pansy" -- Dowd's going to Google some information about growing the pansy and do an extended horticulture/masculinity riff suggesting that delicate flower Obama bloomed early (pansies bloom "until hot weather arrives") but then decided to "man up" (there's a 99% chance she'll use that phrase, even though it screws up her metaphor) and de-pansify himself by denouncing Jeremiah Wright (whom she's 68% certain to call "the skunk in the garden").

That's as far as I've gotten. Anyone else have any thoughts?

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UPDATE: I recommend dnA's MoDo column in comments -- very nasty.

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UPDATE: Well, dnA wins, and it's not even close. dnA channeling Dowd:

Delicate hands trembling, the only genuine rage Obama could muster is towards the suggestion that his earlier condemnation of Wright was a "political move," perhaps the only thing the singing crack pot said that was true.

The real Dowd:

But in the end, it was Wright showing "disrespect" by implying that Obama was a phony that sparked the candidate’s slow-burning temper. "What I think particularly angered me," he said, "was his suggestion somehow that my previous denunciation of his remarks was somehow political posturing."

dnA:

Of course, Obama standing on that stage in North Carolina, looked desperately in need of a pack of Kools and glass of merlot as he threw Reverend Wright under the bus with his grandmother.

Dowd:

Speaking to reporters in the heart of tobacco country in Winston-Salem, N.C., the poor guy looked as if he were dying for a smoke.

But dnA's is funnier on purpose than Dowd is inadvertently. (She's mostly in faux-somber mode -- I should have known she'd get faux-somber, as if she still has painful memories of watching a nun in her grade school whack a kid's hand with a steel ruler for saying "nigger" while issuing a stern lecture about how God sees all souls as equal, even those of Negroes -- or maybe it's just that Dowd didn't want to put the boot in full force while Obama's still standing and there's still a Hillary to be slain.) Oh, and there's no talk of pansies, so I wasn't even close. So a round of applause for dnA.