FAT GUY FOR PRESIDENT

Don Van Natta, in the Week in Review section of today's New York Times:

...Mr. Obama failed to bowl a single strike; several lanes away, a man wearing a T-shirt that said "Beer Hunter" fell on his backside as he bowled and still managed to throw a strike.

I'm not even fifty and I frequently think I'll never see another Democratic president as long as I live. I used to get nasty comments when I looked toward November '08 and saw gloom, but I was just a Democratic pessimist before Democratic pessimism was cool.

Sometimes I think the ideal Democratic candidate would be a fat guy. I don't mean someone like Bill Richardson, a man who tries to maintain gravitas while struggling with a weight problem. I mean a fat guy. I mean a guy who goes to football games in subzero weather and waves his belly at the TV cameras when they pan the stands. I mean a guy who drinks domestic beer in quantity and plays "Mustang Sally" badly in a band with other middle-aged fat guys. I mean someone who'd never, ever face questions of "authenticity" or "genuineness."

Remember that the only two Democrats who've won the White House by more than an eyelash in the past 64 years are the McDonald's-scarfing Bill Clinton and Lyndon "Beagles Don't Mind Being Lifted by the Ears" Johnson.

Democrats don't have anybody like this. Republicans don't either, but they fake it better (or, rather, their fakery is graded on the curve by the media).

I'm only being about 30% serious, but I do think Dems need a few candidates who seem prepared to scratch where it itches. And I intend no disrespect to fat guys -- if anything, I intend disrespect to people like our actual candidates, or like me (though I was a fat kid) -- people who practice moderation and watch their weight. Moderation is frou-frou -- this is America, dammit.