DAVID PETRAEUS, TRAITOR

Hugh Hewitt interviews General David Petraeus and discovers to his horror that somebody left a few pages out of Petraeus's set of right-wing talking points:

...HH: General, one of your colleagues, one of the high profile generals in this conflict, Marine Corps Lt. General Maddis, said in December of last year that the enemy had denied American media the battlefield, with some pretty damaging consequences. Is that still true? Are we getting an accurate picture of what's going on in Iraq from the American media? Or can they just not get out where the fighting's going on?

DP: Well, we have media out with us all the time. In fact, one of the items that I have certainly stressed in the commanders I'm privileged to lead here, and the troopers have all tried to do, is to be accessible to the media. I mean, that's why I'm talking to you tonight.

(Idiot -- you were supposed to say those guys are lounging around in the Green Zone drinking mai-tais and rewriting Al Jazeera dispatches!)

...DP: And I think, I mean, we look on a daily basis at who's doing what out there. I think you've seen plenty of our leaders and our troopers out there. I mean, all of our commanders, just about, go out in front of the press on a fairly regular basis....

HH: Is the media doing a good job of taking that ample amount of information and transmitting it in an objective fashion in your view, General Petraeus?

DP: I think they generally are.... I think that occasionally, you know, folks will wince over here and say gosh, you know, they didn't get the ribbon cutting we did today, or nobody covered the job fair, or the opening of the new police academy, or whatever it might be, because a car bomb went off. Well again, that's reality, and terrible loss of life, sadly but realistically, is going to bump some feel good stories. So I think that's just something we have to come to grips with. It is again a fact of life, and such is life.

(You dumb sonofabitch -- you were supposed to say that isn't understandable, it's treason!)

...HH: Last question, General. How can the American public support these troops most effectively?

DP: Well, I think the American public has been doing that. I think actually, regardless of the views on Iraq, the American public has supported our soldiers, sailors, airmen, Marines, Coast Guardsmen and the civilians that are deployed over here. And I think that that is wonderful. We all saw, some of us, you know, as we were growing up, a situation where that was not the case. And happily in this case, as I said, regardless of one's views, regardless on where one comes down on the issue of Iraq, there is backing for those great young men and women who are putting everything on the line here on a daily basis... I think I mentioned to you before that when Tom Brokaw was out here with us one time, he said that surely this has to be the new greatest generation....

(No, schmuck -- the correct answer is "The American public can support these troops most effectively by drinking a big tall glass of shut the hell up -- and by supporting the firm, resolute, manly commander in chief in his mission to rid the world of evil! Repeat after me: You can't support the troops unless you support their mission -- blindly and unthinkingly. Oh, and TOM BROKAW???? From the Em-Ess-Em? What the hell?)

Those muffled screams you hear in the background are a low-level White House staffer being waterboarded in Dick Cheney's subterranean lair.