MY STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS, BY GEORGE W. BUSH

1) A couple of minutes of being nice to Nancy Pelosi.
2) A couple of minutes of generally telling everybody what idiots they are if they don't do what I say.
3) A really boring laundry list of domestic issues.
4) The same Iraq speech I always give -- but I like it because it really pumps me up to think about how evil The Enemy is and what jerks the Democrats are for not hating The Enemy as much as I do.
5) Introductions of a bunch of people I'd never heard of until a couple of days ago -- I don't know what any of them have to do with the state of the union, but talking about that guy who got run over by a train sure got a lot of people to applaud me.
6) I get the hell out and go to sleep.