Bob "Remember When Clinton Was President and People Gave a Crap About What I Thought of Him?" Tyrrell commemorates the man who gives him a reason to keep living, in his usual tasteful fashion:

Former President Bill Clinton has been celebrating his 60th birthday at breakneck speed and he will be continuing to do so for months to come, according to news reports. Given the many laughs he has afforded me over the years, I hope he will proceed at a more restrained pace. I could not bear to see him make another run to the emergency room. The sudden whitening of his hair since his retirement from the White House and shrinkage of his once fleshy physique should admonish voluptuaries everywhere of the potential health threats from recreational sex....

Whoa, Bob, slow down.

Recreational sex causes hair to turn white? Is that what you're telling us?

Three words, Bob: John Bolton's mustache.

Do you know something we don't know?