Why do all the commie liberals in America hate capitalism? Why can't they be like these fine, upstanding, free-market-admiring Americans?
At age 3, Timberland is too young to be embarrassed about being named after a bestselling brand of footwear, but his mother cringes.
"His daddy insisted on it because Timberlands were the pride of his wardrobe. The alternative was Reebok," said the 32-year-old nurse, who is now divorced.
"I wanted Kevin."
The boy is not alone: five other Americans were named Timberland in 2000, according to social security records.
A trend for naming children after favourite possessions is accelerating in brand-driven America.
The records show that in 2000, 49 children were named Canon, followed by 11 Bentleys, five Jaguars and a Xerox....
Somewhere in hell, Ayn Rand is smiling.
(Yes, I know there's a Timbaland who produces and performs hip-hop and R&B music, but he has a decidedly normal real name, Tim Mosley.)